Bollocks Reviews: 2016

Bubs: let me grab some gelato, and then we can get this show on the road
Judd: awriiight
Bubs: I suppose we should start at the beginning

This Beautiful Day begins.

Bubs: For some reason, I have an a cappella mix of this
Judd: Wait, what. Oh wait, yeah. I think someone from SS made that and put it on Soundcloud one time
Bubs: okay, okay, okay, okay--had to pause it before it moved on. Right. So, this is an excellent beginner. Wouldn't you agree?
Judd: Excellent? I'm not terribly partial to it but it's nice enough. I think that final chord sounds forced
Bubs: Oh, really? What about it don't you like?
Judd: I guess I'm not that taken with the melody
Bubs: all right, well, I like the idea here
Judd: I remember you having a go at that opening line
Bubs: well, yeah, it's stupid. But I think having Brian up in front doing something that's supposed to be a bit downcast… maybe this would have been a better closer.
Judd: maybe
Bubs: the arrangement is tasteful
Judd: it starts the album very promisingly
Bubs: I like the strings and the horn
Judd: I like the horn, too
Bubs: I picture rain drops on windows
Judd: maybe I don't like it that much just because it promises a much better album
Bubs: and there's all those full, natural sounding harmonies, and the little flute fanfare after the final chord--or maybe it's not a flute
Judd: I like that weird sound during the fadeout-yeah
Judd: did you notice the bad edit on Brian's vocal at 1:01? I didn't notice it until someone pointed it out but once you hear it you can't unhear it
Bubs: let me put on the headphones
Judd: okey dokes
Bubs: hm, forgot to plug them in. here we go again
Judd: tch tch
Bubs: I don't notice anything
Judd: there's a sudden jump to a higher note
Bubs: I guess I wasn't really thinking of that as an edit. Could be, I s'pose
Judd: eh. So yeah, it’s ok. I don't like that final chord so much because they put all their weight on it, like "WHOOAA WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT WERE YOU." Now then, RUNAWAY DANCER

Runaway Dancer begins.

Judd: god, that sax just blares out of nowhere
Bubs: That is probably the most unintentionally hilarious transition I've ever heard
Judd: I read on some review that the synths on this song sound exactly like Wonderful Christmastime, and the more I think about it, it's uncanny
Bubs: “My feelings on this album can be summed up adequately by one exact moment on this album, and that is the transition from "This Beautiful Day" to "Runaway Dancer". One moment, I'm experiencing bliss, assured that Brian can still make beautiful music. The next, I'm hit by a train with "COMMERCIAL INTERESTS" scrawled on the front of it in neon paint.” How I’ve described it before.
Judd: ah yes. it's a really shit EDM song, but to be honest I don't really mind it
Bubs: let's be real: who wants a dance track from a 70 year old man
Judd: aye. the problem I have with most of this album is that most of the songs are just insincerely faking sincerity, but at least this one is sincerely insincere. It's just a fucking stupid pop song
Bubs: this has got to be the biggest wtf moment on any album I've ever listened to. The way it's structured is like two slaps in the face: it starts with that sax and some snapping, like you wandered into a bad jazz club dressed entirely in denim, and then synths start to fizzle and it all breaks loose.
Judd: and your grandpa cranks it. I quite like the outro
Bubs: “like you wandered into a bad jazz club dressed entirely in denim” did this make sense
Judd: I've never read a more apt description of the song. It's hard to sum up thoughts on this thing. I don't really know how I feel about it, except that for reasons I can't quite comprehend I don't hate it. I also know that it is absolutely not good. Do you have any final thoughts on Runaway Dancer
Bubs: I want to know who's responsible
Judd: wasn't it written in the late 90s? I suspect Joe and Brian around the time of Imagination
Bubs: maybe the blame lies more with the guest vocalist, Sebu, and his Capital Cities song style
Judd: I don't think he's that bad. at least, I don't think he's the entire reason this track is the twisted concoction that it is
Bubs: I'm thinking that maybe he helped steer the song into this direction. anyway...
Judd: who knows. to me this sounds pretty much pre-1990

Whatever Happened begins.

Bubs: very inoffensive beginning; and middle; and the end, too
Judd: and everything. the problem with the ballads on this album is that they do absolutely nothing to move me
Bubs: ooh, the steely edge of pitch correction in that chorus
Judd: at least this one is a great deal more sufferable than The Last Song. this one's not awful--just incredibly safe.
Bubs: no, I mean, the big harmonies are sorta cool
Judd: it just sounds so sterile; it doesn't come to life. They add a little bit just when you think it's gonna end. I like that bit.
Bubs: someone goes for it on the cymbals
Judd: indeed
Bubs: the arrangement is cool in places: I like hearing the occasional low piano notes. Isn't that bass line a rip off from something 65 or 66? the little descending one
Judd: not sure. probably--it's got that echoey effect on it. I don't like how it's just old tricks put into bland new songs. my biggest problem with this one in particular is how it seems to be kind of a rehash of Southern California and From There to Back Again
Bubs: I'm gonna pull up the lyrics for this one. “As the time goes by/And I wonder why/When I know the day is through.” I legitimately do not think those lines make sense. he's wondering why he knows when the day is through...?
Judd: what's the next part
Bubs: “The summer wine/My favorite time/The night that I met you.” nothing
Judd: nope
Bubs: there's no reference; it’s just phrases put together. they seem like they go together, but they don't
Judd: oh well. the chorus is the big emotional punch
Bubs: "When I wake up in the morning/If I see that you're not there/If you're away I'll be OK/I know that you still care."this is basically a verse that cancels itself out. We're getting ready for the devastation: SHE'S GONE; HOW’S HE GONNA REACT. oh he's fine; okay; moving on, then
Judd: How would you sum up that one?
Bubs: music for a vacation spot commercial
Judd: that's the next one
Bubs: there are multiple vacation spots
Judd: touché. I'll just say that out of all the newer BB and BB-related songs, the ones about old age tend to be the best. it felt weirdly intimate and genuine on Midnight's Another Day and the last three songs on TWGMTR. but for some reason on this one it just doesn't. it feels like they've just made a formula out of it

On the Island begins.

Judd: there doesn't seem to be any pitch correction on Zooey; that's nice
Bubs: I'm still upset there's no Zooey and Brian "Let's Put Our Hearts Together"
Judd: ikr
Bubs: there's something seductive about her vocals on this song
Judd: too bad she's singing lyrics for a cruise liner ad
Bubs: why would you need a bucket of sand IF YOU'RE ON A FUCKING BEACH. I saw the music video: that whole island is just sand
Judd: nono, they get it FROM the beach. music video is pretty good actually. I'm sure this would be nicer with better lyrics, but I just think about Busy Doin' Nothing. That's such a lovely song and this is just bland
Bubs: wait a second--Zooey sings "no food."what?
Judd: they live off seasalt
Bubs: wha-... bu-... they’re gonna die
Judd: oh come on Bubs; isn't your idea of paradise dehydration and famine
Bubs: this is a song about people who booked a vacation, their boat crashed, and now they're trapped on an island. there's no food, there's nothing to do, and they're beginning to hallucinate tables and television
Judd: oh yeah, wow. that never really clicked with me. this song is genius
Bubs: A lot of this is making sense now
Judd: I can certainly enjoy it a lot more now. good job, On the Island
Bubs: well, I guess that's it for this song then
Judd: I like that it just ends bleakly on "there's really no place to go;” they're never getting out
Bubs: See? It really starts to make sense
Judd: wow. best song on the album.

Half Moon Bay begins.

Judd: this one's quite nice, isn't it. for some reason the woodblocks irritate me on Whatever Happened but they're quite nice here. quite nice
Bubs: this song is nicely done. might have been better to stick it after "This Beautiful Day"
Judd: it gets a bit smooth elevator jazz around the middle, but whatever. wait no, the woodblocks are irritating here too
Bubs: I'm just noticing there's a lot of exotica touches on this album
Judd: it's tailor-made for a cruise liner of old people
Bubs: the beginning is really interesting
Judd: that's one of the loveliest bits of the album. doesn't sound far off the Gershwin album, this one. yes, I don't really have any qualms with this one other than the woodblocks, which I only dislike because some negative review pointed them out and I can't avoid them now because I'm a twat. what are your thoughts
Bubs: I'm just doing some listening to it - I'm pretty sure I just heard the sound of running water, like a faucet. that's weird
Judd: rly? that'd be cool
Bubs: I'll tell you exactly when
Judd: why isn't there more of that sort of thing on this album
Bubs: starts right at 2:22, right channel
Judd: weird, I don't hear it. oh well
Bubs: I think it probably goes on too long
Judd: maybe
Bubs: you can get the entire idea of the song by about 2 minutes in
Judd: that's not nearly enough time for the Kenny G sax solo
Bubs: I think this is definitely one of the better songs on the album
Judd: absolutely
Bubs: yeah, I was gonna say some of the moments in the solo are a bit cheesy, and nothing interesting happens with the strings
Judd: no
Bubs: they just play basically what you think they would
Judd: at least it's all easy on the ears in a good way. it's calming
Bubs: I can see mixing up a mojito and then slipping this song on, and just getting lost for a few minutes. but we have to move on at some point
Judd: oh yes. OUR SPECIAL LOVE
Bubs: yeah :(

Our Special Love begins.

Judd: so this is pretty much the worst song on the album. intro is nice enough I guess
Bubs: I'd just like to point out that I started the 90s boy band thing that everyone says now
Judd: a true innovation
Bubs: FLY AWAY. fuck
Judd: chriiist the melody is just bland as fuck and I don't like Peter Hollens' singing
Bubs: I don't like his voice
Judd: but it's the goddamn beatboxing. I kinda like when he goes a bit lower in the middle there. why did it have to be Peter Hollens
Bubs: how did they know he existed
Judd: this isn't quite as insufferable as I remember it being, but the beatboxing and pitch correction kills it
Bubs: The "fly away" bit is just so heinous
Judd: the lyrics are awful but I just don't pay attention to any of them on this album really
Bubs: it's just… boy band dreck
Judd: ugh. on we go.
Bubs: I just don't feel like I've thrown enough hate at OSL. I need to drown it
Judd: oh, pardon me
Bubs: I need it to float away in the stream of my vitriol
Judd: *fly. it's almost 6am and I've been up since 2pm. I don't have the energy to hate it
Bubs: to wind up somewhere in the Missouri river and pour out to sea, the bloated carcass of cheap thrills, never to be seen again
Judd: have you got it out of your system
Bubs: I never will.
Judd: pft. THE RIGHT TIME

The Right Time begins.

Judd: I like that organ lick that starts it off
Bubs: bit "On the Island"-y, ain't it
Judd: On the Island meets Lay Down Burden, except it's a bit better than the both of them
Bubs: okay, not terrible yet… there it is
Judd: this is the first song where the drums are too loud. I remember that being something I dislike about this album. they're just bangin in the chorus
Bubs: pretty sure this song has "Sloop John B" references in the guitar somewhere. or maybe that's "Sail Away"
Judd: I think that's Sail Away, yeah
Bubs: it gets awfully close in this song
Judd: true
Bubs: what is that guitar part. that doesn't make sense with this song
Judd: David Marks innit
Bubs: it doesn't have the right tone
Judd: I might be desensitized from all the hours of listening to this album attempting to convince myself it wasn't shit. this one is definitely sufferable though. at least, it compares favourably to Sail Away
Bubs: "so many times we get fooled again.” the way he sings that is bizarre. about 0:50, listen to the way he pronounces "fooled"
Judd: yeah. sounds a bit like Panda Bear. i've been listening to a lot of panda bear. ahem, anyway
Bubs: he's thinking forever, which is crazy
Judd: I can forgive most of the crappy lyrics. not the most noted lyricists, the Beach Boys
Bubs: I love love love the "for thinking it over" in the chorus. it's like we're moving backwards. at first, he's like "this is the right time for getting together forever,” and now he's like "why don't we split a bagel and talk about it"
Judd: I'm hearing Brian more on "for thinking it over.” he must be sick of Al's shit
Bubs: well, it's the same person narrative-wise, y'know
Judd: ah yes. this is one of the "meh" songs on the album for me
Bubs: these lyrics are all just meaningless. "Whatever happened to me and you/ And everything we've been going through/ So many pieces but never in a very straight line.” like, the second line doesn't work. whatever happened to the things we were going through? why do you sound nostalgic for troubled times? the third line tries so hard though
Judd: maybe it's about losing memory
Bubs: and, damn it, it's almost there. "So many times we get fooled again/ With everything that's been happening/ Like changing places with someone/ In the back of the line/ But not this time.” who's fooling you? why are the things that are happening fooling you? what's this about going to the back of a line? what?
Judd: he's fooled by his own memory y'see
Bubs: you keep mentioning the things that are happening, but you suggest they're over in the first verse
Judd: he thinks he's pushing past but he's just pushing past the same guy at the back of the line. "getting to know her" is a daily routine because he keeps forgetting who she is
Bubs: and then the whole song throws itself against a wall when he says "For getting to know her.” I THOUGHT YOU ALREADY KNEW HER. IT'S IMPLIED IN THE VERY FIRST LINE. THE FIRST ONE. HOW COULD YOU FORGET
Judd: I like that it at least tries to SOUND eloquent. er, are we done with this one
Bubs: I guess

Guess You Had to Be There begins.

Bubs: I'm expecting a metal song or something when those drums come in
Judd: I remember you posting on SS something like "this song is great" when it came out
Bubs: i know. just listen to that beginning. all the little intertwining melodies, all the details, it's great
Judd: yeah. I like the harmonies that come in on "we were sharing a new day"
Bubs: there's some sort of tuned percussion hiding in there somewhere
Judd: good chorus actually. maybe I didn't give this one enough credit. although that guitar on the second verse is weird
Bubs: I do like some of the lyrics on this one, most likely due to Musgraves
Judd: yeah, I suspect so. although the music itself doesn't exactly evoke prime to late 70s Brian
Bubs: a lot of this song is good, a lot of the parts of songs. "people passed out on my floor.” nice job, Musgraves
Judd: the "ooh ooh"s are really nice
Bubs: but there's also something else about it that doesn't work. maybe the way it all comes to a screeching halt when Musgraves sings her bits
Judd: oh yeah, that's just weird. it still sounds really clinical and soft like the rest of the album
Bubs: it just sorta sounds like they didn't finish
Judd: I'd like it better if it just kept building up momentum, because the first chorus especially actually sounds really joyous. it starts really kicking into gear then it just stops a bit
Bubs: and then more of that off-tone guitar
Judd: yeah. even so, I like this more than I used to now
Bubs: some of this song is good. it is. they're close with this one
Judd: I guess I never paid much attention because it feels more like Musgraves' song than Brian's, but on its own it's good
Bubs: if you're gonna play on a country song, please use the twang
Judd: ah yes
Bubs: not the gain. the twang. I'm not sure if the last line is referring to it just being annoying or a hangover, but I hope it's the latter
Judd: me too
Bubs: because I like that
Judd: so, best song on the album so far. what's next, are we doing the bonus tracks
Bubs: yeah
Judd: k
Bubs: oh, this one. this one is weeeeeeeeird
Judd: not gonna lie, I love this one. but then again I've probably already said that
Bubs: I think so
Bubs: that song of course being DON'T WORRY
Judd: woo

Don't Worry begins.

Bubs: disco, baby
Judd: and as I've also already said, the horn synths on the chorus sound absolutely fucking atrocious
Bubs: oh my god you can hear them in the intro
Judd: they're so bad
Bubs: they truly are
Judd: this is the one that sounds unfinished to me. if they'd just hired some session musicians this would have been a fucking showstopper. ughhh I love the outro
Bubs: "Don't worry.." has almost the same melody as the same part in "Don't Worry Baby" right?
Judd: it doesn't spring to mind, honestly. to me this sounds pretty much as un-Brian as most of the other songs on the album. which is to say, rather
Bubs: I think he reused that 3 note melody on this one, but maybe it fits naturally on those words
Judd: aye. quite catchy, this. it's basically a less misguided Runaway Dancer
Bubs: yeah, I was thinking of the RD similarity
Judd: two Brian Wilson dance tracks. so yes, I really like that one. probably my personal favourite on this album
Bubs: hm… I don't know what to say about this. like I said earlier, it's weird. I'd love to hear Brian talk about what this is
Judd: yeah, dunno who he wrote it with. er, do we continue
Bubs: apparently it's with Joe Thomas
Judd: ah. might be another late 90s one
Bubs: what were they going for? all right, you love it. I'm unconvinced, but let's move on
Judd: I think it's just an earnest attempt at a 70s style disco song. unlike Runaway Dancer. who knows what the fuck they were trying to do with that. RIGHT, SOMEWHERE QUIET

Somewhere Quiet begins.

Bubs: I started this one up and was like, "hey, this ain't bad.” but there's a reason for that
Judd: yes
Bubs: it's 50 years old
Judd: this is the most pointless thing on the album. lyrics to Summer Means New Love? alright, what are you gonna do with it? NOTHING
Bubs: have you read the lyrics to this? cuz that's the only thing they've done for this. so, they better not fuck that part up, right?
Judd: let's take a looksy: “Late at night my head walks around you/ Your answers knock at my door”. that's... okay?
Bubs: yeah, that one punches you right in the nose
Judd: “Lost inside a deep sea of faces/ Surrounded by eyes still alone”
Bubs: I almost like the first line, but the second line loses it
Judd: “I found myself lost in your wonder/ Happy to be the proof”
Bubs: PROOF OF WHAT
Judd: actually looking over these lyrics they're quite nice
Bubs: are you serious? “You're the answer that doesn't ask questions/ Because you're simply the truth”
Judd: well, I mean
Bubs: NO
Judd: as with The Right Time at least they're TRYING to sound like they mean something, and The Right Time was much worse. that said, I still don't know why they chose Summer Means New Love
Bubs: Once again, though, the last lines of this song just ruin it. He tries to figure out who the other person is, but then they say "I haven't figured it out, and that's why I love you". so, wait a second here, you're not concerned they could be "playing the part"? and the reason you love the person is because you can't figure them out?
Judd: she's mysteeeerious. mysterious is sexy
Bubs: but that's the opposite of what this song goes for the whole time. well, the coherent parts anyway
Judd: oh i don't know, i should be asleep
Bubs: not when he's professing his love of being the truth
Judd: christ
Bubs: NEXT SONG

I'm Feeling Sad begins.

Judd: this is one of the highlights even though it's super fucking compressed AND THE DRUMS ARE STILL LOUD AS BALLS
Bubs: musta been Ricky in the control booth
Judd: ooh, good point. I'm not sure I like hearing the fingers go up and down the guitar strings... I have become prejudiced after hearing it in innumerable white guy with acoustic guitar songs. still, decent song. nice and short too
Bubs: love the beginning. I'm not sure how well the two parts to this song work together
Judd: I think it flows nicely enough. I like the accordion
Bubs: it's a good song
Judd: this is clearly one of the best songs on the album, dunno why they just dumped it on the deluxe version
Bubs: some unfortunate lyrics
Judd: probably
Bubs: but some not unfortunate lyrics
Judd: yay
Bubs: I like when Brian does his "this is my life" songs, they always turn out well. dunno why
Judd: eh. NEXT SONG. TELL ME WHY

Tell Me Why begins.

Bubs: there are so many songs with this title
Judd: I can only recall the Beatles one. I like the opening lines. "kinda good but mostly bad"
Bubs: there's a super weird effect on Brian's voice
Judd: I think that just comes from the pitch correction
Bubs: like, listen to the way he pronounces "mostly"
Judd: yeah, some weird gravelly thing going on. but that's on pretty much all his vocals here
Bubs: I don't remember hearing it on other songs. some of the words come out strangely on this one
Judd: god. the drums.
Bubs: this is mostly in the vein of "Whatever Happened"
Judd: yeah, but not as good. kind of a non-chorus on this one. "tell me whyyyyyyyy"
Bubs: I like the backing vocals on Al's chorus
Judd: they're alright. it just… doesn't come to life. the ballads are just so artificial
Bubs: there's no personality to them
Judd: and there's no subtlety to the production. they don't really try anything, they just do the horns and strings, slap on some harmonies, then crank up the drums to avoid any listeners getting bored. and the melodies are really half-assed.
Bubs: I think some of the lyrics here are okay, and I enjoy the horn parts. we can go to the next one
Judd: right. one of the worst offenders, if memory serves - SAIL AWAY

Sail Away begins.

Judd: for the record, the Sail Away on Orange Crate Art is so many million miles better
Bubs: what's playing the intro there?
Judd: not sure. sounds compressed as fuck though
Bubs: it's walking along the line between synth and real instrument, defiantly sticking its tongue out at me
Judd: godddddddddd
Bubs: you can also hear someone hit a tambourine or similar instrument
Judd: I'm beginning to think all these songs would be a lot better if they just TURNED DOWN THE FUCKING DRUMS, it's the sound of being smacked in the face
Bubs: now, Judd, when you think of Blondie, what's the first thing that pops to mind? it's certainly not his rendition of "Wild Honey"
Judd: ooooh because it's also about sailing
Bubs: what you think of when you think of Blondie is sailing. so, we'll just take that idea, right, and we'll take away the good song part, and it'll be fine
Judd: it sounds a bit more like Sloop John B to me, which I realise is blasphemous to write, but whatever
Bubs: that's not the point I'm making - this doesn't even begin to make sense for Blondie. he was the rockin' guy, now he's singing another commercial for Aruba
Judd: ughh. I really don't like this one. another one with kind of a non-chorus
Bubs: I have to imagine someone was like, "Hey, Blondie, you remember when you sang that song ‘Sail On, Sailor,’ right? We're gonna put you on a song called 'Sail Away' and fans will eat that shit up."
Judd: it's just such an empty song
Bubs KEY CHANGE MOTHERFUCKER, BOOM
Judd: ughhh
Bubs: JUST DROPPED IT ON YA, HOW YA FEELIN NOW
Judd: this is seriously, just… sometimes I really hate this album, it's so emotionally cold. I've felt a few times over these past few hours, like, who are we kidding
Bubs: oh no don't give up dreaming brian. he almost gave up dreaming
Judd: it's such dreck
Bubs: This is so clearly a song for a cruise line. I can see people partying on deck: they're holding multi-colored drinks, dancing and smiling
Judd: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Bubs: playing in the water
Judd: fuck off
Bubs: and an old couple is sitting on beach chairs together, we can see the space between the chairs, and in the distance is the ocean, and they clink glasses
Judd: and then it pans out to an overhead shot of the ferry
Bubs: and then some visual effects happen, the music gets lower, the logo comes up, and someone says "Sail away with us."
Judd: and then you hear the last bit of the song.
Bubs: yeah
Judd: just thinking about this album is so strenuous. it doesn't quite get to you that this is an album with Brian Wilson's name on it… it's all the problems with Brian's solo career in one song
Bubs: this album should be called Anonymusic. I meant to type Anonymous Music from Conveyor Belt but that mistake seemed clever
Judd: maybe it's a result of Brian being told he's a genius every day. sry, I tend to get very cynical thinking about this album
Bubs: we've got 3 songs left on this bad boy
Judd: it just pisses me off. he's the guy who fucked with the formula, now he's making this turgid, worthless, safe bullcrap that no-one will think is good in a few decades' time. I WISH I COULD BLAME JOE THOMAS
Bubs: no one's thinks it's good already. well, a small subset, but it was not well received
Judd: I see Sail Away singled out a lot by people
Bubs: as the good one?
Judd: yeah. ugh. anyway. ONE KIND OF LOVE

One Kind of Love begins.

Judd: ooh, well
Bubs: like that melody. pretty sure I've described it as "tumbling," and I still think that’s accurate
Judd: this has a lovely melody. this could have been a stone cold classic if it didn't sound like God Only Knows wrestling with an 80s power ballad. The drums. THE DRUMS.
Bubs: or didn't say "I could see cloud 9 CUZ I WAS SAILING OVER IT"... that line is just too much
Judd: still, this is a definite highlight for me. I'm glad they chose it for Love & Mercy over something like The Last Song
Bubs: it's nice that he wrote it for Melinda
Judd: ain't it just. eugh, I don't like that quiet bit near the end when it's just him and the piano. I don't know why but it sounds really icky
Bubs: he sorta sounds out of breath
Judd: his singing's good though
Bubs: I love how you can hear the violins at the end
Judd: yeah
Bubs: you can actually hear them being played
Judd: oh, so you can. cute. in closing, just like the other highlights on the album this gets fucked over by the production, but you gotta take what you can get
Bubs: there's something angelic and pure about the piano and horn opening
Judd: kinda recalls God Only Knows
Bubs: yeah, a bit
Judd: damn... close to a home run, this one. would have fit nicely on Lucky Old Sun. I think it's a Bennett co-write, so maybe that's why
Bubs: it is. shows, doesn't it
Judd: he's a good collaborator. from the evidence he seems to be able to get a lot of good out of Brian
Bubs: perhaps Scott and Joe just have different intentions
Judd: I just want Joe out of it if it really is him behind the sound of this. The production on Lucky Old Sun was a bit lacking in subtlety but it wasn't nearly as awful as on here
Bubs: sugary-sweet album
Judd: I would be just fine with another album of Wilson/Bennett co-writes
Bubs: unfortunately it seems to be cover songs instead
Judd: eh, we've only been fans for a few years. it would appear he's been advertising the rock n roll album for at least a decade
Bubs: but it seems real now. I dunno. next song?
Judd: they'll probably squeeze in one original. let's do it, SATURDAY NIGHT
Bubs: penultimate track

Saturday Night begins.

Judd: when I first heard this I was all like, oh yeah, this is the hit single
Bubs: similar opening to "Guess You Had to Be There”... except worse
Judd: Nate's got a nice voice. can't even tell if they're pitch correcting him
Bubs: that's the peak of singing right there
Judd: he did a few interviews were he said Brian was really cutthroat with him while he was doing vocals, in a good way. it's like, that SOUNDS like a solid hooky chorus
Bubs: I think Kacey said something along the same lines of Brian being stern
Judd: ah right, nice to know really. anyway, I don't know what it is about this song. I might have heard it too many times, but it doesn't quite come to life for me, even though I've always told myself that's a solid chorus
Bubs: the middle 8 is cool, that's my favorite part of the song
Judd: yeah, it's aight. another gratuitous key change. I weirdly don't really have anything to say about this song
Bubs: he was pretty amazing when I watched him do "Hold On, Dear Brother" in Vegas
Judd: oh yeah. did he do Darlin' too?
Bubs: don't remember
Judd: bah. so yeah, not an offensive track
Bubs: I don't have much to say about it
Judd: lightweight
Bubs: it's just a pop song
Judd: yep. maybe I'll listen to it again in a few decades' time and smile
Bubs: the banjo is an interesting touch
Judd: true
Bubs: do you normally associate banjos with Hollywood Boulevard
Judd: you kiddin me, they're inseparable (cough) THE LAST SONG
Bubs: is the last song
Judd: which is the last song ha ha
Bubs: beat you to it
Judd: erguerg

The Last Song begins.

Bubs: all right, get your hankies
Judd: I fucking hate this
Bubs: this one's gonna bring the tears
Judd: there's something about those high piano lines. when the drums kick in it's doomed, and those la la las are stupid. STUPID. I loved the "don't worry"s but this is supposed to make me sad. that drum is so fucking tepid
Bubs: the "la"'s are supposed to evoke so much emotion but the song really hasn't worked up to that moment yet, it's shown its hand too soon. it's like a movie killing the main person's mom in the first three minutes
Judd: now it feels like a Seaworld nighttime show.
Bubs: the way they sing "la" is bizarre, too. it sounds more like someone taunting someone else
Judd: taunting US. this whole song is just so unbearably stale
Bubs: I want to be moved, but I'm not
Judd: I don't even care
Bubs: it just feels all calculated to pull at the heart strings
Judd: calculated is a good way of describing it
Bubs: it's like a computer using a formula to write a song
Judd: it just plods along
Bubs: “we'll put lone, high piano notes, and then it's gonna have some sad singing, and then it's gonna do a la la la, and then more sad, and then more la la, and then we'll mention loved ones”
Judd: it's just the drums I really hate. what is that tempo, are they trying to do some weird marching band thing? godddddd it sounds like fucking Winds of Change off MIU
Bubs: now that's a terrible song
Judd: I'm convinced this is as bad. anyway, it sounds more like that than Surf's Up, in case that's what they were going for. this album pisses me off. it doesn't remind me of why I love Brian and his music so much
Bubs: exactly. I think part of the reason it's so frustrating is because it's the fabled Brian Wilson
Judd: he's not trying anything new because he's covering old ground except coating it in glitz in what feels like a desperate attempt at chart success… it feels so cynical and calculated
Bubs: a man who managed to translate real emotion and life experiences into his music, and here there's nothing

Closing thoughts.

Judd: I can't stand how loud a lot of it is. the impression I get is that they're worried listeners will be bored if everything isn't CRANKED.
Bubs: at least it gave us "In the Back of My Mind"
Judd: oh, that's true, that's a great thing
Bubs: why in God's name would they give us ItBoMM and L&M with this album? it makes this album look so poor
Judd: to be honest, the version of L&M they include is a bit cheesy in a similar sort of way to NPP, but the ITBOMM demo, absolutely
Bubs: the frankness of the lyrics to L&M are a great example of Brian doing his thing
Judd: oh yeah. I think the closest this album gets to that might be Tell Me Why, lyrically. I like the opening lines
Bubs: "a lot of people out there hurtin' and it really scares me." I BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS THAT
Judd: me toooo :'(
Bubs: I don't believe NPP.
Judd: no. I really hope NPP isn't his last album. I don't think time will be kind to it, even if it is his last album. Blah. RATINGS OUT OF… what was it, 5? LET'S DO TEN. I say a 3/10
Bubs: let's see here… there's 16 songs, 5 of them are a mixture of okay/good. that's a little less than a third… so, 3/10 it is
Judd: ah. Best song? Worst song?
Bubs: Best song...
Judd: I'll just go with Don't Worry: the only song on the album to wriggle its way into my heart
Bubs: uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… "This Beautiful Day," I guess
Judd: oof, worst song… I am offended by both Sail Away and The Last Song
Bubs: how do you only pick one
Judd: shrug
Bubs: "Our Special Love" and "Runaway Dancer" are currently having a knife fight
Judd: Our Special Love is terrible but at least it's not trying to be anything more than stupid bubblegum. Sail Away and Last Song are worse for me because they're both so cold and insincere. I think I'll say Last Song
Bubs: I'll say "Our Special Love"
Judd: okey dokes
Bubs: cuz you might at least be able to dance to RD
Judd: if no-one's watching
Bubs: I always dance like no one's watching

Bollocks Reviews

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Saturday, 20 August 2016

Conversational/First Listen Review: Frank Ocean - Blonde (2016)

Monday, 9 May 2016

Conversational Review: Brian Wilson - No Pier Pressure (2015)